By Ibrahim S. Bangura
Portee Wharf, Freetown – In an astonishing twist of events, the residents of Portee Wharf have inadvertently launched Freetown’s latest fitness trend: the “Open Defecation Marathon.” With a staggering population of over 4,000 people and a mere two hanging toilets since 1999, the community has come up with a creative way to combat their sanitation crisis – through what experts are now calling an “innovative urban survival exercise.”
Santigie Bangura, affectionately known as T.K. and chairman of the community, explained the new trend in a recent interview with Premier News. “The lack of proper toilet facilities has brought the community together. Who needs gyms when you can engage in daily cardio by sprinting to the nearest bush or finding a hidden spot behind someone’s house?” Bangura asked. He pointed out that residents are facing this challenge with the kind of enthusiasm usually reserved for competitive sports. “Yes, we’re plagued by disease and pollution, but look at the bright side – we’ve all become endurance athletes!”
Health officials, on the other hand, are slightly less enthusiastic about this new “fitness” regime. They’ve cited minor inconveniences like cholera, dysentery, and typhoid outbreaks, along with intestinal worms and polio. “Sure, it’s not ideal,” admitted one public health official. “But we can’t ignore the fact that Portee Wharf might have the fittest residents in Freetown.”
Residents, however, have begun demanding that the government step in to provide more than just two toilets for 4,000 people. Some have suggested building a “sanitation stadium” to better accommodate the community’s unique needs. Fatmata Kamara, a longtime resident, noted that women face a particularly difficult obstacle in the daily “race for privacy.” “We’ve had to develop our own strategies,” Kamara said. “Dodging the dangers of hookworm, maternal anemia, and potential predators has truly sharpened our reflexes. It’s like living in a real-life obstacle course, but with fewer medals and more shame.”
The competition, as it turns out, also has a dark side. Kamara pointed out that many women are forced to wait until nightfall to avoid public embarrassment, adding, “It’s like a horrible, shame-based version of hide-and-seek.”
As Portee Wharf continues to set the bar for Freetown’s most resilient – and resourceful – community, calls for proper toilet facilities are growing louder. “We’re ready for an upgrade,” Bangura concluded. “Maybe instead of celebrating our cardio skills, the government can provide us with a few more toilets, so we can focus on other things. Like staying alive.”
In the meantime, Portee Wharf residents have officially submitted a petition to the Ministry of Health, not for toilets, but for recognition as Sierra Leone’s fittest neighborhood. After all, if you’re going to survive, you might as well thrive.